Yesterday was the first time that Bryant and I went on any type of hike since we got to Corvallis. I don’t think that I realized how long it had been. I was so used to doing something every day while we were on the drive over from Maryland. Even before we left we tried to take Lionel out somewhere every day. Getting outside, exploring and adventuring was something we’ve always done together. Adjusting and getting settled here kind of distracted us from getting out.
As excited as I was and still am to be here in Oregon, there’s so much change going on that it’s gotten to be really stressful. All of the angst and worry had been building up and I didn’t really let it out in any way. I was so overwhelmed, feeling such turmoil and chaos inside. I felt like there were so many things and so many factors going into everything that I couldn’t couldn’t control and I couldn’t keep myself organized. It was overcast and chilly out, which made it harder to leave my safe, warm bed, but I’m definitely glad that we made it out of the house. Once we got there, I immediately skipped/bee-bopped/sashayed from the car to the trail and soon enough found my way off of the trail and into the woods, as usual. We took this path up a steep hill and into the woods. It looked like something out of some sort of fantasy. I feel like Bryant and I should have been dressed like woodland fairies.
After walking through at least 14 spider webs and falling 3 times, we finally made it to a clearing. That clearing turned out to be someone’s backyard littered with somewhat threatening “NO TRESPASSING” signs, which obviously we paid no attention to. We somehow made it back to the actual path and I immediately threw off my shoes and started cartwheeling and I climbed every tree I saw. All of that stress was gone and I felt so carefree.
I know that getting out into nature will make me feel better – it always does. When I feel like I just want to dig a hole to hide in and sleep for an eternity and a half is when I most need to make myself get outside. I absorb a lot that is going on around me and that can be really exhausting. Even right now there’s so much going on, just sitting here in the living room. It appears to be nice and calm – which it is – but at the same time, there’s so much more. I hear a fan in the other room, there’s a cat climbing into a box across the room, the sun is shining into the window in a weird way. Bryant is on the sofa tapping his foot, I hear someone biking by outside the house. Whether it’s something I notice intentionally or subconsciously, it’s there. Yesterday I was feeling that, plus everything in my head and all of the external things going on right now that I can’t control. Sometimes my thoughts get so crazy, they’re like those little bingo balls flying around in that cage or like radio static while trying to tune into a station – any station, just something that comes through clear. I really just wanted to hide under the covers all day, but Bryant and I decided that we should do what makes us happy and explore. We headed to Philomath, which is about a 20 minute drive from Corvallis to check out this spot called Fitton Green.
When we’re out in nature, I still notice and take in a lot from my surroundings. The grass blowing in the wind, there’s a bird flying by, little ants are making their way through the rocks and dirt… Even though it seems just as busy as any other setting, it’s a different kind of busy that’s hard to describe. There is so much movement, so much sound, so many sights and smells. The trees are just being trees. That bird is just doing his little bird things. The sun is doing all it knows how to do and is shining down on us. It brings such an overwhelming feeling of peace. Everything is just being, as it was meant to. Simple as that. It reminds me of this excerpt from The Way to Love by Anthony De Mello about unconditional love.
“What is love? Take a look at a rose. Is it possible for the rose to say, ‘I shall offer my fragrance to good people and withhold it from bad people?’ Or can you imagine a lamp that withholds its rays from a wicked person who seeks to walk in its light? It could only do that by ceasing to be a lamp. And observe how helplessly and indiscriminately a tree gives its shade to everyone, good and bad, young and old, high and low; to animals and humans and every living creature – even to one who seeks to cut it down.”
If only we could all embrace and practice that indiscriminate kind of existence. Just being who we are and what we are for ourselves and towards everyone else. It seems so simple, doesn’t it? I think that might be one reason why being out in nature is so soothing – everything just is. All of the confusing, stressful happenings in our everyday lives just don’t matter anymore. It puts everything into perspective for me. I’m thankful that we were able to get out yesterday and hope to continue to do so more regularly.